Letting Go..

There are few things better than driving around to some country music on a spring day with the windows rolled down and music blaring. It’s like every switch in my mind flips off and life drifts back into this beautiful perspective that is somehow lost on a daily basis. A focus on the important things, the things that no one in their right mind would focus on for fear of being unproductive in the day-to-day chaos life’s agenda seems to preset for us each day. There’s a freedom about it… something that lets go and, more importantly, wants to.

I’ve never been the kind to just go with the flow in my life. Those that know me well know the sickening need for control and plan in my life– going with the flow means that I don’t have either of those idols at my fingertips. But a few short weeks ago, I realized that everything I had planned for my near future would not come to pass as I had prepared. Actually, I realized it wouldn’t come to pass at all. The tires shifted, the brakes slammed, and the steering wheel 180’ed. Cue in panic attack for Alex. I didn’t want to do it.

When I was driving around the other day, I bottled the previously explained feeling. The feeling of wanting to let go. Wanting to throw my planner out the window and watch the pages take off in the wind behind me. Wanting to burn every college textbook I’m forced to read. Wanting to hit the road, floor the gas pedal, and take off for wherever the highway brought me. And there it was– my problem and solution.

Are you aware that every moment of your life thus far has brought you to this current moment? If you say yes, I don’t believe you, because I would have said the same thing a few weeks ago, and not have had a clue what I was agreeing to. Right now, as you’re reading this blog… your life has been prepared for this day, hour, minute, second. In fact, it’s in God’s  nature to inherently prepare his children for the plan He has made for each of our lives. Over the past 21 years, God has prepared me for His purpose… and as basic as it sounds, His purpose and plan didn’t line up at all with my own… and I think I REALLY believed that for the first time a few weeks ago. I say I wanted to let go. I say I wanted to hit the highway and let my destination be dictated later… and here I was resisting to do just that by refusing to see the ways in which my Father had prepared me for His exciting, scary, and dangerous plans. I managed to not let myself have exactly what I wanted… all because my need for control and security suffocated faith and substituted the void with flawed plans and procedures.

Look at Abraham from the Bible. God told him that his descendants would outnumber the stars in the sky…. His response? “Okay.” What? Just okay?… Yes. Just okay. Sometimes, that’s the most faithful answer we can give: acceptance and the willingness to obey. God had prepared him for that moment, God continued to prepare him, just as he continues to prepare us for the future’s sorrow and happiness. Job, Daniel, Jesus… Preparation is not something any of us are excluded from. God handcrafts moments to guide us to where He wants us to be. But we have to want to lose control to find that plan.

This life… is such a gift. Such an opportunity to find joy and purpose in everything that you do in your allotted time on this Earth. But I’m finding with each passing year, the less control I have over my life, the closer I am to being on track with following Christ.

“This world is empty, pale, and poor compared to knowing you, my Lord. Lead me on, and I will run after you. Lead me on, and I will run after you.” Running after Him. Ya know, it’s that simple and yet that difficult at the same time. Following Christ’s plan for your life is a car-ride with the windows rolled down, country music blaring, and no known destination in sight. And no destination is needed because in its place rests a confidence in God’s preparation for your present and future. When your grip on your life slips off… you can start living the way you were designed to.

So here I am. Clueless. Absolutely clueless.. I probably don’t even deserve a license at this point, but, regardless, I sit behind this airstream putting the pedal to the metal. The windows are down, Miranda’s singing on the radio… and I have no clue where I’m going. But I’m starting to get glimpses of the only Person who does. Good thing I love road trips.

With the Windows Down,



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